Fleeing Abuse: The North Family
Running On Empty
The North family is from south Ohio. The family includes the mother, Tanisha age 32, two sons, Jack, 13 and Tyler, 12, and two daughters, Delicia, 12 and Tyrra, 3. They arrived in Toledo after fleeing domestic abuse in their home city of Columbus.
As many families who find themselves in a domestic abuse situation, their abuser stripped them of resources and a support system, so they were left with nothing. They arrived in Toledo in a broken down mini van that they had been living out of for three weeks.
Headed North to Nowhere
Tanisha didn't envision this situation when she first met her husband, Dan. Instead, she married him as a young, optimistic 20-year old who was excited when she found herself pregnant with their first child.
She returned to work as a restaurant hostess after giving birth to Jack. However, her employment was short lived. Dan started hitting Tanisha after Jack was born. Dan claimed he suffered from extreme stress when Jack cried or needed to be taken care of. Tanisha became pregnant with twins, Tyler and Delicia, soon after. This only added to the stress Dan felt, stress that he took out on Tanisha in the form of physical and emotional abuse.
Once the twins were born, Tanisha stayed home with the children until the twins were old enough to start kindergarten. She then returned to her job as a hostess once again.
Unfortunately, Dan's abuse not only continued but got worse. Dan started calling Tanisha at work, to ensure she was there. He harassed her on the phone and his violent outbursts were even worse once she got home.
After weeks of Dan calling Tanisha at work, she lost her job due to her inability to get him to stop. The abuse continued for years. Tanisha did her best to deal with it, but her self esteem was destroyed. She also had no income for herself and relied on her abuser to provide food, clothing, and medical treatment to her and her children.
When Tanisha found herself pregnant again, she was both excited for the baby and devastated for the increased abuse that she knew would come with having a new baby in the house.
Tyrra was born when Jack was 10 and the twins were 9. As she feared, Tanisha was subjected to extreme abuse by Dan, who couldn't tolerate another child in his house.
When Tyrra was two, Dan smacked his daughter for the first time. Tanisha had been able to put up with the abuse when it was directed at her, but she couldn't tolerate the abuse of her child. In the middle of the night, she packed their minivan with bare essentials, put the kids in the backseats, and drove north. She didn't stop until she was in Toledo.
A New Day Dawns
Tanisha left her abusive husband and took her four children to a new city where no one knew them. She had only enough money to stay in a hotel for a few weeks. Once they ran out of money for the hotel, the little family stayed in their van.
Tanisha called 211 and was put on a waiting list for a shelter. United Way's 211 system placed them in Beach House Family Shelter after three weeks. (Many homeless families live in hotels, vehicles, or tents to survive. Learn more about where homeless people live and sleep.)
Once there, the North family was able to relax a bit in our home-like emergency shelter.
After a few months, the mom found full-time employment and housing. Now, they live in their own home and continue in our behavioral health, economic, and educational programs. They meet with a case manager once a month. They feel safe. They are finally home!
Domestic Violence & Economic Abuse
The North family shows us an example of domestic violence and economic abuse. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), the following stats are examples of the juxtaposition between domestic violence and economic abuse:
- Between 21-60% of victims of intimate partner violence lose their jobs due to reasons stemming from the abuse
- A survey by the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence found that, of respondents who were victims/survivors, 64% of reported their abuse impacted their ability to work; 40% reported their abuser harassed them at work via phone and in person
- Victims of intimate partner violence lose a total of 8 million days of paid work each year, the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs
- Between 2005 and 2006, 130,000 stalking victims/survivors were asked to leave their jobs as a result of their victimization
- One study found that up to 50% of victims/survivors of sexual assault either lost or left their jobs after being assaulted
Find these stats and more on NCADV's website about domestic violence stats.
